tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56971202993022351302024-02-18T22:19:37.987-05:00Saints in ProgressNicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.comBlogger404125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-81261449915309253172022-10-13T20:05:00.006-04:002022-10-13T20:16:31.864-04:00Lesson from an imperfect model<p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 13px;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjszNbceJ44TIhiyjdP5dTG1_KEyqWu9--KawZ9xiSGqLiCxmy01MqJqiKom4Es05ZkjpDdm76LAdny58uXYdH3r3jkB85zi68TkwMVxuDHKzq7-XjGNWcWE2CGt9EdQRf6KpssAYjBNKXUlZevgK6OoXUZBkfVZYNsmKO4Yc5g169MTJrOI18qhmhqXg/s4024/Pope%20Paul%20V.heic" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4024" data-original-width="2820" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjszNbceJ44TIhiyjdP5dTG1_KEyqWu9--KawZ9xiSGqLiCxmy01MqJqiKom4Es05ZkjpDdm76LAdny58uXYdH3r3jkB85zi68TkwMVxuDHKzq7-XjGNWcWE2CGt9EdQRf6KpssAYjBNKXUlZevgK6OoXUZBkfVZYNsmKO4Yc5g169MTJrOI18qhmhqXg/s320/Pope%20Paul%20V.heic" width="224" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When in Rome, it is only a short matter of time before the visiting explorer is overwhelmed by both the magnitude and the multitude of wonders to be seen. We went to Sunday mass at the Basilica di Santa Maria Maggiore, which was so full of beautiful works that I couldn’t take it all in. One of the sights that especially struck me, though, was a statue in the chapel where mass was being celebrated. It was of an older, robed cleric bent in a posture of tender supplication toward the altar. I took a picture of the statue and its inscription for later. Turns out, this was Pope Paul V. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">In many ways he was a stinker of a pope: first supporting and then suppressing Galileo Galilei’s theories, and engaging in (among other things) the nepotism typical of the day and the ongoing political conflict with Venice. He was a figure in the religious tensions with Protestant England, interceding for English Catholics innocent of the Gunpowder Plot, but condemning the oath of allegiance required by King James I. But he also protected Galileo from persecution during his own life, and he was a great patron of the arts, responsible for the completion of the Vatican and St Peter’s Basilica, the restoration of one of Rome’s aqueducts, and other projects that improved Rome and employed artists and craftsmen. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">There are, I think, two takeaways from the example enshrined here, and I intend to hold them both. One is that neither your conviction in truth nor your effort at good will is necessarily going to shield you from getting it wrong (sometimes badly wrong). The other is this: you’re going to mess up. So do what you can with what you’re given, strive to make it the best you can do, and entrust all to God with humility and trust. </span></p><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">It’s all anybody can do. </span></p>
Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-88053628276272364672021-10-24T22:22:00.004-04:002021-10-24T22:22:44.890-04:00A Bedtime Prayer for Grown-Ups: How to Offer Up Your Unfinished To-Do List<div><br /></div>When I was a child, I learned and often prayed the well-known bedtime rhyme: <div><br /><div><i>Now I lay me down to sleep. </i></div><div><i>I pray the Lord my soul to keep. </i></div><div><i>If I should die before I wake, </i></div><div><i>I pray the Lord my soul to take. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>There are some great theological insights packed into this little rhyme, including a gentle memento mori — a reminder that one day we will die, and we should orient our lives to be ready to meet God. Despite the prayer’s gentleness, I felt the need to add another, hopeful couplet for some focus that I felt was missing: “If I should live another day, I pray the Lord to guide my way.” Now I pray this with my children sometimes, but it’s not our only bedtime prayer — and it’s not the one I turn to when I’m ready to lay my head on my own pillow. </div><div><br /></div><div>I love to speak with God candidly and spontaneously throughout my day, including when I pour my heart out to him in the calm of night. But sometimes a prayer from memory can provide the spark you need when your own words feel inadequate. When I turn my heart and mind to God in the dark and quiet, I say (or start with) something called A Prayer for Daily Neglects:</div><div><p><a href="https://bustedhalo.com/ministry-resources/a-bedtime-prayer-for-grown-ups-how-to-offer-up-your-unfinished-to-do-list">Read my recent article about a bedtime prayer for grown-ups at Busted Halo</a>. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p></div></div>Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-24304544191871002572020-10-27T18:56:00.005-04:002021-06-07T15:39:54.830-04:00A Sweet Lesson<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGy6qKjt9NlrEbaA80X0-6vYwy1EwyiCZQMhQjtPBVNOFrg2ZcR4b9AzoJcl2GMAvKDTwQaBijAh8vqCBd1qbn8Wpjx-WAQ0aYWVAOxmdo67dR9fhxoxp0I1J7VFAPf6s6limdqoaANx0y/s2048/IMG_6304.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1349" data-original-width="2048" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGy6qKjt9NlrEbaA80X0-6vYwy1EwyiCZQMhQjtPBVNOFrg2ZcR4b9AzoJcl2GMAvKDTwQaBijAh8vqCBd1qbn8Wpjx-WAQ0aYWVAOxmdo67dR9fhxoxp0I1J7VFAPf6s6limdqoaANx0y/w400-h264/IMG_6304.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div>October is the month of the Rosary. A few days ago I decided to do a fun activity with the kids to teach them about the Rosary and pray together. Many people in my life probably think I’m this uber-Catholic but the truth is that we are not picture-perfect. We all know about the Rosary, and some of us know it well, but it’s tough to pray with kids, especially little kids who don’t already have the habit—thus the rub. Making it fun or rewarding goes a long way in helping them learn to love it (or at least know it).</div><div><br /></div><div>I printed out, on a half page each, copies of a rosary graphic, which illustrated a full set of rosary beads and showed when to say which prayers. Then I counted out pieces of candy for the prayers—mini M&Ms for the Aves, regular ones for the Paters, and one candy corn for the Apostles’ Creed. The pieces and the printout went into zipper sandwich bags, one for each kid present, and I saved some for the ones who weren’t. The idea was to follow along on the diagram, laying a piece of candy on each bead or piece on the paper as we prayed, and at the end we'd eat the candy. So, the candy corn with its “thorn” shape would take the place on the crucifix, and the prayers that don’t have beads (Glory Be, Fatima prayer) didn’t have a candy. I would have liked to think up something to use for the Salve at the end, but I didn’t have anything on hand that made sense. I figured that “done" is better than “perfect.”</div><div><br /></div><div>So we began. I didn’t expect it to go perfectly smoothly, which was undoubtedly an opening for grace from the beginning. I wasn’t a super stickler for my mini M&M count, so there were at least 53 in each bag but some got maybe 54, or 55, or so. When one person plunged on into eating their candy before I finished my explanation or even handed them out, I didn’t blink (much). I let the preschooler follow along or not, as long as she behaved quietly. </div><div><br /></div><div>It still wasn’t enough. Two began early to bicker about whether they were “stealing” pieces that had accidentally been dropped, and whether someone had more than others. One decided to get lively and pelt an M&M or two at—I don’t know whom, or what—before we really got started, and didn’t appreciate being reprimanded. One eventually dissolved into tears, because her M&Ms were too big to fit the whole line on the printed beads. One or two didn’t even want to be there, and their attitude showed it. </div><div><br /></div><div>It was probably into the second decade that I had the insight—this must be what we look like as God tries, so patiently and lovingly, to lead us to Him.</div><div><br /></div><div>Parenting is full of instances of this particular insight. Full, full, full. I am convinced that this is why God brings us into existence within families. The comedian Jeff Allen has a line that says that God must have looked down and said, “Let’s see how they like it to create someone in their image who denies their existence.” It’s funny because it’s so painfully true. We know the family is a school of love. Every parent knows that jolting rush of love for their children that gives us a glimmer of how much God loves us. But it’s also a wealth of lessons in how blind and broken we are, even so.</div><div><br /></div><div>We persevered. In the midst of that insight, when I was tempted to throw up my hands and give it up, I decided instead to model patience. Everyone at the table participated or was included, however begrudgingly for some. And one or two quiet ones made no trouble at all, but obligingly went along with me in their prayers. </div><div><br /></div><div>And it was enough. </div><div><br /></div><div>At the end of it we had prayed a Rosary together, and had a little treat that soothed everyone’s mood. I know, if for no other reason than because my grown children tell me so, that they will remember this—probably even for the right reasons. They will remember something of the Rosary, and the stories of Jesus’ life and mission that it tells. They will remember praying as a family. They will remember the sweetness of God’s grace that prayer brings. They will, maybe, remember Mom’s forbearance this time when things weren’t perfect. </div><div><br /></div><div>But I will remember, too. I will remember God’s patience in dealing with his child, even through my resistance to his instruction, my petulance in wanting my own way, my reluctant efforts to turn to Him. I will remember how God takes whatever I offer and turns it into something sweet and good.</div>Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-92066434885906860222019-12-04T07:00:00.000-05:002019-12-04T07:00:09.724-05:00Is it too early to think about your One Word for 2020?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's Advent, the start of the new liturgical year! And time to think about next calendar year, which is what I normally do and then wait way too late to do something about it. I also have a whole month left to assess how I've done with this year's plans and resolutions—and make good a little before it's time to try again with the new ones. <span style="font-family: "apple color emoji"; font-size: 13px;">😏</span><br />
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Last year I chose a word for the year to guide me in a more intentional way of living. It's not the first time I've done that, but that time around I ended up having two words. One of them was a word I happened to choose after thinking and praying about what I wanted to do and who I wanted to become this year. It came to me like an image coming into focus before my eyes, and I thought to myself, "This. This is a call." The other word came from <a href="http://www.wordoftheyear.me/">Jen Fulwiler's Word of the Year Generator</a>, which I think was new last year, and in any case I couldn't resist jumping on the bandwagon and when it tossed up its word to me it was too good to turn down. It had the same appeal as the one I came up with.</div>
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The word I came up with was "Serve." The word the generator came up with was "Surrender." </div>
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Well, the "surrender" part came easily enough—that is, opportunities to surrender to God's will were plentiful, and often the only way I had peace. To take a most obvious example, we found out early in the year that, at 44 years old, and God willing, I was going to have my twelfth baby before the year was over. There's a reason we have so many children—they are awesome, they bring so much love and light to our lives, to the world. But—and ask anyone who accepts and lives the Church's teaching about the goods of marriage and the call to be open to life that is included in it—surrender is a big part of that. </div>
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That might have really been the word God meant for me this year rather than the one I came up with. I had decided, and meant, to dig deep and serve my family with a new devotion, and to be more attentive to ways to serve the wider world. I'm an introvert, and it has been easy to slip into a manner of "keeping close" as a self-protective measure, surrounded as I always am by people, noise, work—all of which amount to lots of demands for attention. I wanted to counter that tendency with a deliberate effort to give of myself and expected both practical and spiritual benefits to meeting the needs of my loved ones in a more proactive way. But honestly, the farther we all got into the year and this pregnancy, the more everyone was serving me. A good friend pointed out to me early on that this pregnancy's demands could be God's way of getting me to rest. I do think there's a lot of beauty and goodness in this inversion of my idea of serving, in allowing others to be a blessing to me. I have, fundamentally, been serving the new life God has created. And there were still plenty of opportunities for me to serve my family alongside this pregnancy. </div>
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But now that the pregnancy is over and my body is a little bit more my own again, I am looking forward to getting more active in my own life again, its comings and goings, its big and little tasks. I'm finding my little word is popping up in my mind now, in this last month of the year, helping me to focus my goals and my efforts. And it's suggesting to me some possibilities for choosing a word to focus on in the coming year. Or maybe I'll get a "random" word from the generator. Or maybe both, again. I think it's too soon to commit just yet. But it's not too soon to think about.</div>
Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-55595482790315898712019-12-03T13:41:00.000-05:002019-12-04T01:42:29.727-05:00Our Newest Dear One<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
(or, A Partial but Wholly Sufficient Reason for Why I Have Been So Quiet Lately)</div>
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Well, this is overdue. ;-)</div>
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This is Hollin Rose, our beautiful baby girl born into our family on November 16, 2019, and baptized into God's family on November 23, 2019. We are all in love! </div>
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Sing praise to him, play music;<br />proclaim all his wondrous deeds!<br />Glory in his holy name;<br />let hearts that seek the LORD rejoice!<br />(Psalm 105:2-3)</blockquote>
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This is (basically) the text for her birth announcement:</div>
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<i>"Hollin" is a literary name, a land of Elves in Tolkien's beloved Middle-earth. It is also an English name that refers to the holly, a tree of Christian symbolism. </i></div>
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<i>The name "Rose" honors the Virgin Mary, mother of Jesus, under her title as Mystical Rose. After we chose the name, we were reminded of my grandmother, who loved roses and was given the inscription "Beautiful Rose" on her headstone, so we felt that the name was meant to be. </i></div>
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I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;<br />I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.<br />(Psalm 9:1)</blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">**For those who keep track of such things, the first citation, of Psalm 105, comes from the New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE). The second, from Psalm 9, is from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition. </span></div>
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Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-63726143477984934232019-10-08T08:26:00.000-04:002019-12-04T02:53:08.786-05:00Having Scripture on the Brain<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/bible-book-business-christian-272337/">Photo by John-Mark Smith on Pexels</a></td></tr>
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In my <a href="https://saintsinprogress.blogspot.com/2019/10/god-with-me.html">post from yesterday</a> I quoted some lines about the closeness of God at all times. The thing is, when I thought of these lines, they were <i>playing</i> in my head; I heard the music as clearly as the words. They are from a song called "You Are Near" by Dan Schutte, from an oevre of liturgical music written around the 1970s and 80s, bemoaned by some as lacking in beauty or theological precision or other character necessary and appropriate to liturgical use. They are also the words of Psalm 139.<br />
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I happen to think that many of the criticisms of recent church music are valid, but I think the value of this song and many others like it outweighs the complaints. And that value is this: the words are pretty much straight from the Bible. Learning them plants the Word firmly in the memory. I learned these songs in grade school, and <a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/deaconsbench/2008/08/yahweh-and-dan-schutte-the-story-behind-you-are-near.html">whatever their faults may be</a>, they have supplied my memory with some of its most deeply ingrained supply of Scripture. I can sing Psalm 139 better than I can recite it.<br />
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Memorizing Scripture has long been recognized as an excellent spiritual discipline, especially for the reason I experienced in my "dream" crisis—when you need God's Word to answer your questions, settle your doubts, assuage your fears, strengthen your resolve. So whatever tools I can use to feed Scripture into my memory are tools I want to use, for myself and my kids. And, to be frank, the easier the better!<br />
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Music is a really effective way to do that. Besides the songs I learned when I was young, I found one great resource for children several years ago, for Scripture verses set to music: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Heart-Bible-Memory-Melodies-Combo/dp/B011FBMD8E/ref=ntt_mus_dp_dpt_4">Steve Green's "Hide 'Em in Your Heart," Vol. 1</a> and Vol. 2 (I couldn't find a link for that one). These CD/DVD combos were at our local Christian bookstore for $5 each—a steal, and the kids loved them. I still use them.<br />
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As a homeschooler, I also use a <a href="https://simplycharlottemason.com/timesavers/memorysys/">system of memorization</a> I learned from advocates of Charlotte Mason's method of education (although, full disclosure, not as consistently as I would like). Here's an explanation of how you can choose the verses you want to learn, and then practice reciting them on a rotation of graduated frequency, adding new ones the more you master. (It works for poetry, too.)<br />
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I'm always open to other ways of learning or reinforcing Scripture memory verses. I have one child who really likes coloring, for example, so I'm finding Bible verse coloring pages on Pinterest for her. She's the first one to really take to this activity, but her enthusiasm sometimes gives a boost to her brothers and sisters. If you have a favorite way to learn Scripture, email me or drop me a line in the comments!Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-90611397339970446082019-03-25T14:15:00.002-04:002019-03-25T14:33:01.933-04:00To Mary, on the Day of your Fiat<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDxP-LAlMumnrEyHQWhJUzayxSCAEeNFzJ_C55gni2ft7ZhVbmgazT_6rTAUXW5Z-jacNuTbwL6ywpHUaqMWVjo-X5SpGTur9q41ZVupaSkzkvCav3g6cyIk67URpUDMgZp2LJjOHIf8Fu/s1600/George+Hitchcock+Annunciation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Mary fiat at the Annunciation" border="0" data-original-height="1252" data-original-width="1600" height="500" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDxP-LAlMumnrEyHQWhJUzayxSCAEeNFzJ_C55gni2ft7ZhVbmgazT_6rTAUXW5Z-jacNuTbwL6ywpHUaqMWVjo-X5SpGTur9q41ZVupaSkzkvCav3g6cyIk67URpUDMgZp2LJjOHIf8Fu/s640/George+Hitchcock+Annunciation.jpg" title="George Hitchcock The Annunciation" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">George Hitchcock, <i>The Annunciation</i>, 1887. The Art Institute of Chicago.</td></tr>
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You must have had no idea what you were getting into.
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Well, I'm sure you had an <i>idea</i>. I'm sure you knew, in your time, in that place, about repressive regime and religious persecution. You knew the penalties for a woman guilty of what you would appear to be guilty of. But you also knew the promises of God.<br />
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And while you were blessedly inexperienced in that pain of working against yourself which is sin—the estrangement of Life and Love itself—you were not ignorant of the costs of sin to the world, and everyone in it. You knew you needed a savior. You knew we all needed a savior, and you were overjoyed to play your part in His entrance into man's world.
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But you could not have known what you were getting into.
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You probably knew being a mother has its drawbacks. Life was gruelingly hard back then, and people knew, perhaps better than today, that to love means to have your heart hurt. But you could not know, before that day, the feeling of a heart pierced. Nobody could know the pain and anxiety and fear on behalf of your child, until you’ve <i>really</i> known it.<br />
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Of course you knew there would be dangers, and that the world would exact its price. But knowing that the world punishes the godly, and going through it as it twists and shoves and shapes your life, are very different.<br />
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Whispers. Snide remarks. Hate and pride—at your expense, as well as your son's. Death threats. Blood.
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You could not have known that ultimate pain in double measure awaited you down the road. The desecration of your God. The murder of your child.<br />
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But you knew God, in a way no one else could. And you knew He had promised to send a king-savior, one born of woman and descended from the house of David. You knew that somehow God would come among His people. You knew He would send someone to restore the tribes of Israel and be light and salvation to the world, in a kingdom that would last forever. You knew He could work these things through you, as the angel said He would, when he told you of God's plan and implicitly asked for your trust. Who that yields trust to someone, a true trust given on faith, knows beforehand what that will entail?<br />
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You could not have known what you were getting into. You said yes anyway.Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-35321261598122243342019-02-27T18:21:00.002-05:002019-02-27T18:31:08.026-05:00Staying Beautiful<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDPDyPcIv_nO6OutSr_K_Bi2wvvT4felD-ziSIS6QOzLEc1g5eBL_DfwDe5kAyP_1bnLDHG6rG11twMC5NWiDeMfhsMnCO1wKQTinhyJbUZTPLn4Xf0etQkLXB-kaIGTBQFBSrU99AC-GK/s1600/tree+light+woman+beauty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="1600" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDPDyPcIv_nO6OutSr_K_Bi2wvvT4felD-ziSIS6QOzLEc1g5eBL_DfwDe5kAyP_1bnLDHG6rG11twMC5NWiDeMfhsMnCO1wKQTinhyJbUZTPLn4Xf0etQkLXB-kaIGTBQFBSrU99AC-GK/s640/tree+light+woman+beauty.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://stocksnap.io/photo/KJL75HNBJY"><i>source</i></a></td></tr>
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<i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">October 7, 2018</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It seems to me that I've been looking my age more. Tired. A touch more gray. Maybe, occasionally, a little gaunt and grim. I've been feeling it too, and not in the way of wisdom earned or patience learned. Bitter, rather, at unfinished to-do lists, interruptions, things not done right. Snapping at people. "Get off my lawn" stuff.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Recently one day I ran my rounds, waiting for my older kids to be done at practice, while the younger ones scampered on the playground outside. This routine could feel tedious, wasteful even, as I would sit and do little (or nothing) of the work that remained piled up in my mind, while they romped about. Inevitably, though, a seed of rest would be able, briefly, to grow and flower, as I sat.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This day my seven-year-old came up from her playing. This is the girl whose passion is to get married and have children when she grows up. She is the lover of beauty, the one who teases my grays loose and calls them unicorn hairs. The ardent reader who plays house, knows queens, believes in fairies.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">She stood next to me and asked me, "Do you know the secret to staying beautiful, even when you get older?" </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I pondered her question some few seconds, I admit my thoughts went a bit theatrical. Did she see me getting older? Then, did she ever hear of witches who bought their beauty and made others pay their youth for it? Did she remember heroines who proved what true beauty looks like? Did she see villains' true colors revealed in haggard detail?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Did she see me getting older? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">What does she see? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe she just sees her mother who, she thinks, is beautiful, and she wants me to teach her what that means.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I thought all of this last bit in the flash of a second, then I told her: "Yes. I know the secret." I said, "I don't do it as often as I want to."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-style: italic;">"The secret," </span>I told her, "<span style="font-style: italic;">is two things. Kindness." </span>She nodded; she knew already that was true. "<span style="font-style: italic;">And joyfulness." </span>She thought about this, about them both. She nodded again and then drew breath, wrinkling her eyebrows as if to ask, how does that make you beautiful?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I thought of the advice of beautiful women like Audrey Hepburn, who said that happy girls are the prettiest, and that the beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul. I thought of the triumph of good Cinderella. I thought of the saints, always so unexpectedly beautiful, who lived Christ's two great commandments and themselves commanded us to rejoice in Him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"When," I told her, "you are kind and joyful, there's a light that shines from inside you and makes you beautiful from the inside. But you don't see it with your eyes." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"How can it make you beautiful if you can't see it?" she asked. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I thought of the people I have known who are lit from within and said, "Well, you can see it. But this light is not a light like here." I stopped, looking at the space around us. She wasn’t ready for talk of waves and photons and physics. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But somehow she got it. We were sitting in shade, and she pointed to the clear sunshine outside the tree’s shadow line. "Like that tree over there?" The light coming around the tree was distinguishable to her eyes, she understood. I was speaking of some light she saw from beyond her eyes, with her soul—that part inside her that understood beauty in the first place. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Yes," I told her and hugged her. She hugged me back, shaking. She does that, shakes with silent thrills in that old soul of hers. She hugged me long, and then went to run and play with the other children on the playground. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And I blessed God for such a child, and resolved to do what it took to stay beautiful.</span></div>
Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-60587666157411908302018-02-13T17:22:00.000-05:002018-02-13T17:40:00.543-05:00A Fasting-and-Alms Idea<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUu3R1qWBVxSC4k2HXU1Ja3LAkg9E72dNGNucq2KCyQhyphenhyphenpHdD_gBQ-fXjHfbDA_200jzvfmWvlYhKR_qK-QNB9jeqCeKNfUg7NYqULaOkgo0wmVv5FVw21WEKL5uD3iBNRqHYAt8KxFXEA/s1600/IMG_0882.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="1512" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUu3R1qWBVxSC4k2HXU1Ja3LAkg9E72dNGNucq2KCyQhyphenhyphenpHdD_gBQ-fXjHfbDA_200jzvfmWvlYhKR_qK-QNB9jeqCeKNfUg7NYqULaOkgo0wmVv5FVw21WEKL5uD3iBNRqHYAt8KxFXEA/s320/IMG_0882.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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So I've wanted to do this for a while. I know my blog is quiet (to understate the matter), I don't have some huge following on Twitter or Instagram, and that's really ok; but I think this is a good idea and I really want, if I do this publicly, to get some people to participate. So I'm throwing it out there, because tomorrow is the beginning of Lent, and I read this thread:<br />
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So as someone who's covered monthy food budgets with food stamps let me break a few things down for you b/c a lot of people haven't <a href="https://t.co/SbwHFg8ijm">https://t.co/SbwHFg8ijm</a></div>
— please bread, no (@hugwins) <a href="https://twitter.com/hugwins/status/963282840292032512?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 13, 2018</a></blockquote>
(Here's the link to the <a href="https://twitter.com/hugwins/status/963282840292032512">first tweet in the thread</a>—I don't know how this embedding thing works, and I want you to be able to go to the whole thing.)<br />
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For a while now I've been a bit allergic to politics, but I have the ability and the duty to do something local. Food drives are a pretty common way to try and address the crisis of hunger locally, but sometimes people need to be reminded that it's hard to put together a meal from what other people can "spare." When I would look in my pantry for items for our church's monthly food drive, I began training myself to think, "How well would this convert or contribute to a full meal?" I mean, how useful to someone is my fifth can of garbanzo beans?<br />
<br />
Well, why do I have five cans of garbanzo beans to begin with? Because I stocked up for my recipe for <a href="http://saintsinprogress.blogspot.com/2014/01/snow-day.html">vegetarian chili</a>, that's why. So maybe, if they have a few cans of other beans, it could be pretty useful after all. But only if they have those other ingredients. So I could give those as well. But maybe it wouldn't be any good to them if they don't know how to make it. I would need to give the recipe as well.<br />
<br />
(Obviously, people are intelligent and creative and will probably know what to do with a can of garbanzo beans, or chick peas if that's what they call them, if they are picking them up to begin with. But my whole idea was to make things a little easier for people who are already in a long-term crisis situation.)<br />
<br />
At this point, I doubted that the food bank serving these people would be handing out my recipe to them at the check out, and they might be a little insulted or otherwise justly put out if it did. (Kind of like that box of food the government proposes to hand out?) But I couldn't shake the idea. And eventually it evolved into the idea of some kind of a database: a cookbook specifically for the purpose of creating meals from the kind of non-perishable foods that food banks are best able to supply. I don't know how such a cookbook would <i>necessarily</i> help those who make use of food banks, but if it were generally available, maybe it could help <i>somebody</i>.<br />
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I think I had the idea one Lent a long time ago, because I then had the idea to write the whole cookbook myself, out of meals from canned goods, all donated by our family, as part of our Lenten fasting and almsgiving—40 Meals for 40 Days.<br />
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Isn't that a great idea? Aren't I brilliant?<br />
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Ahem.<br />
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I can't even post more than two or three posts a year anymore.<br />
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Not entirely sure I can responsibly donate that much food in that short an amount of time right now, either. But still, I haven't been able to shake the idea.<br />
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If nothing else, maybe it will inspire you to donate something <i>now</i> to your local food bank.<br />
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If it does, I'd love to hear from you in the comment box. If you donate a meal's worth of ingredients, maybe you can share the recipe here, or email it to me.<br />
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And I still want to do the cookbook. So, although that potential project is still evolving, if you do share a recipe with me, go ahead and expect to hear from me. Or, you can drop me a line if you have something to say about it. I'll try not to take a month to answer. Just kidding. Kind of.<br />
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So. Here is what I'm asking you to do.<br />
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1) Give thoughtfully to your local food bank. Come back here in the next few weeks for a few more ideas about how to do that. The Twitter thread above and its responses might spark some ideas. Or do your own research.<br />
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2) If you donate a meal of ingredients, send me the recipe: leave it in the comments (probably the best option), message me on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, or just let me know and we'll figure out how to email each other.<br />
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3) Spread the word. Share this link on your blog or favorite social media. Talk about the idea at the water cooler at work. Tell your mom. Tell your mom friends.<br />
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4) Tell me what you thought or did, even if you didn't send a recipe. I'd love to know your response to this post.<br />
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5) <please> Let me know if you encounter any technical difficulties. There's a reason I don't post much. Well, more than one, but cyber-technical unsavvy is one of them. I'd like to fix anything that goes wrong before it sits there too long.</please><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5Uilis_Saim5fm-nSIhcADvf0rUIB6yRAPNeh1if2ZAxLi922WI1gUVUFQxijCAW0i1GwLKDrjyTY-r-QJhr5oub1EMNkPUqjZOIDpaWINjcPDWVGar2RMxyWP0sF0w76FKyyPaZkcFZD/s1600/books+on+nightstand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="”reading" books="" border="0" challenge="" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" list="" nightstand="" on="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5Uilis_Saim5fm-nSIhcADvf0rUIB6yRAPNeh1if2ZAxLi922WI1gUVUFQxijCAW0i1GwLKDrjyTY-r-QJhr5oub1EMNkPUqjZOIDpaWINjcPDWVGar2RMxyWP0sF0w76FKyyPaZkcFZD/s320/books+on+nightstand.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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It's a new year and I'm ambitious as usual about what I want to do. I fully admit to falling off the resolution wagon every time, but that's no excuse not to set goals!<br />
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Resolutions later. I've set them but I'm still working out some details, and I'll post about that in a few days. Right now, and this does not count as a resolution, I want to share the reading challenges I'm joining up this year. The last time I did any reading challenges in earnest, I had about 6 going in one year. It was great. But after the end I crashed and burned so hard I didn't even post about them like I said I would. I barely touched the sole <a href="https://www.secondrunreviews.com/shelf-love-challenge-2017">book challenge—to read some of those books you already own</a>—that I signed up for last year. But it was a great one. So I'm doing it again, even though no one is officially hosting it. This is my own little challenge: to read at least 12 books from my own shelves, one for each month. </div>
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Here are the others I'm working on: </div>
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<a href="https://caffeinatedbookreviewer.com/2017/12/2018-audiobook-challenge-sign.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" title="2018 Audiobook Challenge"><img alt="2018 Audiobook Challenge" src="https://caffeinatedbookreviewer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Audiobook-Challeng-2018-300x300-1.jpg" style="border: none;" /></a></div>
I have come to love audiobooks. It's so good to have one going at any given time, for when I'm running or working out, or running errands, or just need to shut out the world with my ear buds for a little while. Also, I'm trying to have one always ready for when the kids are in the car. We've listened to a few good read-alouds this way. We don't always consistently find the time for audiobooks, so I think the Weekend Warrior level (5-10 books) for the <a href="https://caffeinatedbookreviewer.com/2017/12/2018-audiobook-challenge-sign-up.html">2018 Audiobook Challenge at Caffeinated Reviewer</a> is right up my alley.<br />
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This January (i.e., <i>now</i>), the kids are trying the <a href="https://readaloudrevival.com/31-days-2018/">Read Aloud Revival 31-Day Read-Aloud Challenge</a>. In short, your pre-reader–thru–17-year-old spends 10 minutes every day with his or her book, reading (or storytelling) aloud to anyone. I have eight kids who are eligible, with varying degrees of enthusiasm. If they hit at least 25 days out of the 31 in the month, they can be entered to win a prize. Plus, there are motivational tickets you can award along the way. And the love of reading grows. It's just a lot of win all around.<br />
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Modern Mrs. Darcy is always good for a read. Here is her <a href="https://modernmrsdarcy.com/reading-challenge-2018/">2018 reading challenge</a>. It looks like she's going a little more in-depth with her readers this year. Good on her—I'm all about building some real community on the 'Net.<br />
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This list of <a href="https://bookriot.com/2017/12/11/diy-reading-challenges/">50 DIY reading challenges at BookRiot</a> has some great ideas. Frankly, I don't need any more ideas. But I liked this one too much to pass up—going by seasons, it's very doable alongside the others I've got going:<br />
<i>22. Each month and/or season, read a book that takes place then.</i><br />
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And finally, I'm going to knock off some of the books I pinned TBR on my <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/nicolest/booklust/">Pinterest board Booklust</a>. Again, I'm aiming for about 10.<br />
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Maybe next year I'll make up my own reading challenge. I've already thought up some categories, but I think I have enough to go on this year.<br />
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Speaking of readers in community on the Internet, drop me a line if you are participating in (or hosting) any of these challenges, or tell me about one you're doing that's not listed here. (That goes for you and Dad, too, Mom.) What are you going to read this year?<br />
<span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 203px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 288px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 203px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 288px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 203px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 288px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span><span style="background-color: #bd081c; background-position: 3px 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: 14px 14px; border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border: none; color: white; cursor: pointer; display: none; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; left: 203px; line-height: 20px; opacity: 1; padding: 0px 4px 0px 0px; position: absolute; text-align: center; text-indent: 20px; top: 288px; width: auto; z-index: 8675309;">Save</span>Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-52247234744896018002017-05-01T07:42:00.000-04:002017-05-01T07:42:10.961-04:00100 Species Challenge: HoneysuckleI've been on a plant-identifying kick lately. I've always loved the concept of the <a href="http://saintsinprogress.blogspot.com/2010/09/100-species-challenge.html">100 Species Challenge</a>, and it's one of those many things it kills me I don't do better. But it's spring, and nature journaling feeds my mind and my soul in ways they are starving for. And I just joined the best Facebook group for plant identification—I mean, these people are seriously fast at finding out what you've got. So I will be looking to integrate my nature journal and the species already posted, and then work toward that magic number. It's a wealth of blog posts, even if I group them together, so expect to see several of these over the next few weeks. I'm even thinking of throwing some bonus species in. So...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lonicera japonica - honeysuckle</td></tr>
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Have I really not done honeysuckle yet? This is one of those that every Southern kid knows, because we spent summers sucking out the little, sweet drop of nectar inside each flower. I especially remember walking to swim lessons every morning and picking a blossom every few strides through the park. It was easy because honeysuckle was everywhere where I lived, and it will climb anything and take over. (I actually don't mind it on my fence, but it needs to stay off the blueberries!)<br />
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So far we've got:<br />
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1. Dogwood (Cornus florida)<br />
2. Mockernut hickory (Carya tomentosa)<br />
3. Leyland cypress (Cupressocyparis leylandii)<br />
4. American beautyberry (Callicarpa americana)<br />
5. Gregg's mistflower (Conoclinium greggii)<br />
6. American holly (Ilex opaca)<br />
7. Pokeberry (Phytolacca americana)<br />
8. Pink wood sorrel (Oxalis articulata)<br />
9. Yellow wood sorrel (Oxalis stricta)<br />
<b>10. Lonicera japonica (honeysuckle)</b><br />
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I can't wait to add more, but (again) I'm easing back in. Does anyone remember when the 100 Species Challenge was trending? It must have been a decade ago—but then it blows my mind that the iPhone is only that old. More soon!<br />
<br />Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-36395335058879179462017-04-28T08:12:00.000-04:002017-04-28T08:12:07.961-04:00My new book challenge*So we were going on vacation, and I needed something to read. I didn't want to depend on a lot of library books while traveling; my library reading mojo has slowed up anyway. Plus, in my housecleaning I've been trying to reclaim all the spaces that clutter keeps invading, and I just noticed, over and over again, this book I got as a gift or that book I couldn't wait to order. In short, I have all of these wonderful books I've accumulated, and what's more, have intentionally collected close in my physical space, that I'm not finishing.<br />
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Last year I didn't really do a reading challenge. I thought it would be nice to ease into some this year, and I remembered one of the challenges of the Great Book Challenge Year of 2015 was one about reading books you already own. So I went in search of that challenge again, or a similar one, to make it that much more fun and give me a goal to direct my efforts. And <a href="http://chapterbreak.net/shelf-love-challenge-2017/">I found this one</a>!<br />
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I know we are nigh on a third of the way through the year for the <a href="http://chapterbreak.net/shelf-love-challenge-2017/">Shelf Love Challenge 2017</a>, but it doesn't even bother me. One of the great things about it is that it has different levels, so I can do as much or as little as I deem fit. And the possibility that I could get an Amazon gift card just for reading books I already own—so much win. (And Julie and Lynn of <a href="http://chapterbreak.net/">Chapter Break</a>, if I'm doing this wrong, tell me—you might notice I'm a little cold at this stuff but I'm jumping in with both feet and I'd love to meet you!)<br />
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*On book challenges: I know, I know. Stay tuned.</div>
Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-86142558416655684452016-05-09T07:58:00.000-04:002016-06-07T11:14:06.381-04:00Meet the Baby!Introducing our newest little one, Henley Margaret Stallworth!<br />
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Little Henley was born May 9, 2016 at 7:30 a.m. She was 9 pounds even, but she seems like such a tiny baby. All of her brothers and sisters are delighted with her. We are all so happy! </div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129;"><i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Great is the LORD and worthy of much praise,</span></i></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #1d2129;">whose grandeur is beyond understanding.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">One generation praises your deeds to the next</span></i></div>
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and proclaims your mighty works.</div>
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— Psalm 145:3-4</div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #1d2129;">***For the record, this is originally published on May 23, Henley's 2-week birthday. I backdated it to Henley's birthday, not to mislead anyone, but because I like this post to reflect the record or her birth. More current posts to come!</span></span></div>
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<br />Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-33572271679347127302016-01-25T12:55:00.001-05:002016-01-25T12:55:10.092-05:00That One Time Jesus Got Lost...<br />
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This is why <a href="http://catholic-link.org/2016/01/06/6-tips-on-parenting/">Jesus in the Temple as a boy is one of my all-time favorite Bible stories</a>.Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-10346813908784223332016-01-19T11:25:00.002-05:002016-01-19T11:34:45.645-05:00I keep seeing articles about mothers needing care.Recently, Calah Alexander, who is expecting her new baby any day now, posted what she has learned is the <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/barefootandpregnant/2016/01/the-most-essential-thing-new-mothers-need.html">most essential thing new mothers</a> need:
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I mean, we spend 40 weeks building an entire person inside our own bodies, and then in one fell swoop we push him or her out, along with all the physical resources we’ve taken from our own bodies to maintain the baby’s very existence. We’re emptied out, depleted of energy, strength, blood, nutrients, and God knows what else, but now the baby is in our arms and we must begin the task of building this tiny human on the outside, as well as replenishing ourselves.<br />
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Is it any wonder that in most cultures, mothers are expected to stay in bed for a full month after the baby is born? Everyone pitches in to help, but it would be unthinkable for the mother to return to the kitchen a week after the baby is born, let alone mere days.</blockquote>
Go read <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/barefootandpregnant/2016/01/the-most-essential-thing-new-mothers-need.html">Calah's account</a> about how, with her firstborn daughter, she did the Christmas family tour with her newborn and husband days after giving birth and then was medicated for postpartum depression. "Looking back," she speculates, "I know that I was definitely suffering from depression, but I wonder how much of it was brought on by sheer exhaustion."<br />
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Her point is borne out by this article from a few months ago that suggests that postpartum depression is, at least in part, a societal ill in its origins. Claudia M Gold is a doctor who writes at Child in Mind, and posits: <a href="http://claudiamgoldmd.blogspot.com/2014/12/is-postpartum-depression-really.html?m=1">Is Postpartum Depression Really Postpartum Neglect?</a><br />
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That is, neglect of the <i>mother</i>: she observes that mothers are highly attuned to their infants' needs, and infants in turn are highly attuned to respond to their mothers: "These two evolutionary adaptations come together in the concept as described by J Ronald Lally of the 'social womb,'" she writes, but<br />
"[t]he problem lies in the fact that in contemporary culture new mothers do not themselves have a 'holding environment' that supports caring for the baby in the way his immature nervous system requires."...<br />
<blockquote>
There is an evolutionary purpose to what in this country was once termed "lying in." During a period of 3-4 weeks mothers were able to rest and connect with their baby while a group of women helped with household chores and offered emotional support.<br />
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Cultures around the world recognize the need for protecting the mother–baby pair in this way. Contemporary American society, with its unrealistic expectation of rapid return to pre-pregnancy functioning, is uniquely lacking in a culture of postpartum care.<br />
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We cannot go back in time to a period when extended family was available to provide a community of support. Nor will we be able or even want to return to a time when mothers stayed in bed for 3-4 weeks after childbirth. But some steps must be taken.<br />
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Meanwhile, Elizabeth Foss wrote a post that popped in my news feed on the same day as the "postpartum as neglect" article. She told about encountering another <a href="http://catholicherald.com/stories/Encourage-one-another,30132">mother in a restaurant who wanted to know how she should do it all</a>—take care of a brood of busy kids and keep her sanity. Childbirth and recovery might be several years in the past in this scenario, but demands of a different nature have taken their place—the demands of multiple kids, with their multiple ages and interests.<br />
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"You’re in the thick of it now," she told the woman. "You can’t be pulled in four directions all day every day without time to re-charge. Ask for help in order to be able to take care of yourself." She reflects: <br />
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I sat down with my own little brood of whichever of my children were with me that day and I pondered all the pieces of the hurried conversation. She was right. I’ve noticed the head-down-and-barrel-through posture that comes in neighborhoods where people work long days and then commute long hours.<br />
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We are meant to live in community. We are meant to bear one another’s burdens and to connect in meaningful ways. Clearly, this lady was so starved for emotional connection with another woman that she would allow herself to be vulnerable in a restaurant in a town away from home. And I really believe that if we weren’t both far from our usual stomping grounds, I would have offered to be that leg up for her. What I hope is that she tucked my words into her heart and she thought about how to share that same vulnerability with a neighbor or a co-worker.</blockquote>
It reminded me of Jennifer Fulfiller's writing on <a href="http://www.ncregister.com/blog/jennifer-fulwiler/stay-at-home-moms-need-help/#ixzz3sLlAi4rf">the same issue of mothers' need for support</a>. She's written several times about this topic. For example:<br />
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I don’t think it’s self-indulgent at all for stay-at-home moms to have help, especially those who have children who don’t go to school (e.g. homeschoolers or moms of babies and toddlers). In fact, I would say it’s closer to a necessity than a luxury.<br />
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When I studied anthropology in college, one of the things that stood out to me the most was the element of community: In pretty much every time and place outside of modern Western culture, people lived around family all their lives. The average person was surrounded by brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. For women, the work of raising children was not done alone: Younger nieces and cousins would help with the little kids, the women would socialize as they gathered water or washed clothes, all the children playing together around them. This is the kind of life we were designed for.<br />
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In contrast, the average modern woman who is out of the workforce lives her life on a suburban desert island. The nearest family member lives miles (if not thousands of miles) away. She doesn’t know all the people on her street, and not many of them have kids anyway. If she’s like many Americans, she’s moved within the past few years, losing any sense of community she’d built in the last place she lived. Any opportunities for socializing with other women involve the herculean effort of packing up all the kids in the car to drive somewhere. She doesn’t even have the age-old mother’s release valve of banishing the kids outside and telling them to come back at mealtime, since safety concerns mean she has to keep them within sight at all times.<br />
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This is an incredibly unnatural way to live. </blockquote>
Her theory about social isolation rang true then and I have only seen it shared by other writers and confirmed in experience since.<br />
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These are not the only things I've read recently about the need mothers have for both moral encouragement and material, tangible support. It's been on my mind, as I grow our family's next addition within me and think about how our family interacts with the world. But apparently it's on a bunch of other people's too.<br />
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Similar reading elsewhere:<br />
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<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/on-leadership/wp/2015/10/21/nurses-fathers-teachers-mothers-why-do-we-devalue-someone-the-minute-they-care-for-others/?postshare=6051445513989994">Nurses, fathers, teachers, mothers. Why do we devalue someone the minute they care for others?</a><br />
<a href="https://mindfulmiablog.wordpress.com/2015/12/08/torturing-new-mothers-and-then-wondering-why-they-get-mentally-ill/">Torturing new mothers and then wondering why they get mentally ill.</a><br />
<a href="http://jenniferfulwiler.com/2013/01/a-meditation-on-the-shocking-idea-that-maybe-were-actually-not-just-lazy-whiners/">A meditation on the shocking idea that maybe we're actually not just lazy whiners</a><br />
<a href="http://jenniferfulwiler.com/2007/07/motherhood-fulfillment-and-careers/">Motherhood, Fulfillment and careers</a>
<a href="http://jenniferfulwiler.com/2013/07/how-we-built-our-village/">How we built our village</a><br />Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-74095960181226242032015-12-15T09:53:00.001-05:002015-12-15T10:37:19.892-05:00O Eve<div>
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I first posted this in 2010, and expressed a hope that a recording of the song would be released soon. I recently heard from the composer, Frank La Rocca, that it is now <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B018YQSPH6?ie=UTF8&keywords=winter%20waves&qid=1450189809&ref_=sr_1_1&s=dmusic&sr=1-1-mp3-albums-bar-strip-0">available for purchase at Amazon as a track on the album Winter Waves</a>. Check it out, especially if you love Advent hymns, traditional sacred music, or just gorgeous choral music! (If one of the last two, you might also like to take a look at his album <a href="https://www.amazon.com/This-Place-Frank-Rocca/dp/B017KTZD9G/ref=sr_1_1?s=dmusic&ie=UTF8&qid=1450190332&sr=1-1-mp3-albums-bar-strip-0&keywords=frank+la+rocca">In This Place</a>.) </span></i><br />
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.monasterycandy.com/Product_List?c=33">Prints of the illustration and poem</a> are also available from the sisters!</span></i></div>
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I can't express the depths to which this resonates with me, in me. I'm only just now noticing the reverberations in my soul--which, I think, is an echo of the song's own development: an unpretentious progression of talents outpoured, until suddenly you realize that your breath has been taken away, and breathing deeply again you are refreshed and a little bit shaken. <br />
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First, I read about a card. I don't know if the picture came first or the poem, but both were original works sent out as a Christmas greeting by the Trappistine nuns at <a href="http://www.mississippiabbey.org/Home">Our Lady of the Mississippi Abbey</a>. When I first came upon them over at <a href="http://www.firstthings.com/blogs/theanchoress/2008/12/29/o-eve-reconciled/">The Anchoress</a> I thought the picture was a nice, bright drawing and the poem was a nice, well-written verse.<br />
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A simple image, but loaded with meaning.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmFCI0XhrScunZiX-HzCiOnzkkNKp-jMrZZgILasW5pNOpiLYX45PLUA1mNIbL1WhHyO87dLpQG0Z6SEOTBVRT8sTYA3AgW1A2KYhu0Oeey5BKZLunoKqIbIUg7fLordN1Nf3MIkepEhFb/s1600-h/evemary.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5286033395161597010" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmFCI0XhrScunZiX-HzCiOnzkkNKp-jMrZZgILasW5pNOpiLYX45PLUA1mNIbL1WhHyO87dLpQG0Z6SEOTBVRT8sTYA3AgW1A2KYhu0Oeey5BKZLunoKqIbIUg7fLordN1Nf3MIkepEhFb/s400/evemary.jpg" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 400px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 278px;" /></a><br />
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A short, graceful verse about two mothers, two daughters, an ancient idea but new.<br />
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<blockquote>
O Eve!<br />
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My mother, my daughter, life-giving Eve,<br />
Do not be ashamed, do not grieve.<br />
The former things have passed away,<br />
Our God has brought us to a New Day.<br />
See, I am with Child,<br />
Through whom all will be reconciled.<br />
O Eve! My sister, my friend,<br />
We will rejoice together<br />
Forever<br />
Life without end.</blockquote>
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Then I started studying them. I noticed details in the picture, like the snake coiled around both of Eve's feet but crushed under Mary's. The arch of pear tree limbs like a church window, heavy with fruit. The many other signs of Eve's shame--head bent, the clutched apple, nakedness barely covered--and the hand outstretched to touch her hope within Mary's grace-clothed, grace-filled body. Very intellectually satisfying.<br />
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And then I heard <a href="http://www.sheetmusicplus.com/look_inside?R=19260147">this</a>.<br />
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You know what they say about music, that it is the language of the angels and of the divine, that it is a form of prayer in itself, that it gives us a sense of the infinite. I think my favorite is by Sidney Lanier:<br />
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"Music is love in search of a word."<br />
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When I heard this piece, for four minutes I felt that I was Eve, and all my years of sorrow were at an end, and a gentle hand was leading me out of a thicket of thorns into daylight. <br />
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Advent is here--but some people might have a hard time looking forward to Christmas, even if they don't know it or understand why. Some people have a problem with a God who is so intimate. Some might struggle with despair--with accepting forgiveness, or trusting it. Some of these things I understand, and I know and trust that God has a way to touch these people with his healing love.</div>
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For me, I think when my dark night of the soul comes, I will sit in the dark and listen to this and cry for joy.</div>Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-53598150695170389832015-11-23T14:18:00.001-05:002015-11-30T09:01:09.371-05:00So, heh, I discovered reading challenges this year...<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOdyWSDSlzEx2chCSASyBC5LyNaBDkOp5BkCiUqQi_w-QOF2Lu-BpqjlLOvdq544lrzUvui0dS-LBh1Pu809b1NBohSosAM_yPQ2eq3dKVa_upCtIKr9V5mmN0rZSbfOBPZoHYywhI1EHP/s1600/books-and-window-1219757-639x496.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="434" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOdyWSDSlzEx2chCSASyBC5LyNaBDkOp5BkCiUqQi_w-QOF2Lu-BpqjlLOvdq544lrzUvui0dS-LBh1Pu809b1NBohSosAM_yPQ2eq3dKVa_upCtIKr9V5mmN0rZSbfOBPZoHYywhI1EHP/s640/books-and-window-1219757-639x496.jpg" width="560" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://www.freeimages.com/">Freeimages</a></td></tr>
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I'm actually an old hat at reading challenges. Can you say "summer reading program"? For the past few years, though, my reading habits have manifested two quirks: lots and lots of picture books, and hundreds of books, mostly nonfiction, that I borrow from the library, get halfway through, and return. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But late last year I started reading a lot at bibliophile Anne Bogel's blog, <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">Modern Mrs Darcy. A</span>t the <a href="http://saintsinprogress.blogspot.com/2015/01/books-and-blogs.html">beginning of the year</a>, Anne announced her 2015 reading challenge. Then I kept hearing about more, and before I knew it, I had signed on for seven* challenges for the year.<br />
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Some I am in the home stretch for, and some I've already finished, and some—well, I'm just going to have to push to make it. I did allow cross-posting, in the sense of letting one book count for more than one challenge (although, of course, not the same book more than once in the same challenge). I also kept a reading journal this year, the first time in a long time that I actually tracked my reading. This let me record some general thoughts (not a full review or report) of each book, and counts as an overall log that also includes the books that didn't fit into even one challenge (there <i>were</i> a few).<br />
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These are the challenges I accepted for 2015:<br />
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<a href="http://modernmrsdarcy.com/2015/01/2015-reading-challenge/">The Modern Mrs. Darcy 2015 Reading Challenge</a>. The one that started it all.<br />
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<a href="http://burns-familyblog.blogspot.com/2014/12/26-books-in-2015.html">26 Books to Read in 2015 (with Bringing Up Burns)</a>, the next random one I found. It looked fun so I said, why not another one?<br />
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<a href="http://www.popsugar.com/love/Reading-Challenge-2015-36071458">2015 Reading Challenge by PopSugar</a>—a bit of a whopper, with 50 books! Maybe not a big deal by itself, but if you're reading for six* other challenges, it can begin to dictate your choices!<br />
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<a href="http://www.samantha-lin.com/2014/11/2015-authors-a-to-z-reading-challenge-sign-up/">2015 Authors A to Z Reading Challenge</a>. Definitely some new finds for this one, as it was challenging just to find authors for some letters.<br />
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Twelve Books from Your Own Library (That You Haven't Read Yet). I didn't find a formal challenge for this year, per se, but heard clues about something similar for previous years and decided this was a Very Good Idea.<br />
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<a href="http://wormhole.carnelianvalley.com/whats-in-a-name-2015-sign-up-post/">What's in a Name 2015</a>. The shortest, maybe funnest one of the lot. Okay, they have all been fun, but I think I could have easily been happy with twice as many categories as this one had.<br />
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<a href="http://imaginationsoup.net/2015/01/a-year-of-reading-challenges-kids/">A Year of Reading Challenges for Kids.</a> So they can play along.<br />
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*Oh, did I say seven challenges? I meant eight!—I found this <a href="http://wormhole.carnelianvalley.com/whats-in-a-name-2015-sign-up-post/">Back to the Classics Challenge 2015</a> late in the year, and decided to tack it on. Why not? I had already read several books that qualified.<br />
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I didn't restrict myself to only new books, i.e. books I hadn't read before (since some of the categories were specifically rereads), unless the category or challenge specifically stipulated a new read. I did try, though, to give priority to new discoveries and books from my To Be Read pile. I'll post my reading for each challenge in a separate post, and repeat books will link back to the challenge in which they were originally listed.<br />
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I've already decided to limit my reading challenges next year. Participating in so many challenges has definitely helped me to read more, discover new books, and expand my choices. But I have found that in my eagerness/anxiety to complete a challenge (/all of them) I would forego reading something that I might have preferred to read instead, for the sake of filling an empty slot. This has its good points, admittedly—it's a challenge, after all. (I did ask myself a couple of times, "Why would you deliberately read a book with a bad review?" There are a lot of answers to that; but that's just an example of when I might rather be reading something else!) It also meant I was sometimes reading rather than doing something else I would rather, or needed to, do. I find myself sympathizing with <a href="http://bookriot.com/2014/12/14/im-not-participating-goodreads-reading-challenge-2015/">this perspective</a> as the year closes.<br />
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I'm really glad to have challenged myself and completed them all (I will complete them all), and I find that I don't need to do so much next year. I might get weak and cave if I see a really interesting one, and I've been more than tempted to host one (or two) of my own. But for now, my intention is to tackle my <a href="https://www.pinterest.com/nicolest/booklust/">Booklust Pinterest board</a>. I'll formalize it later, but the basic idea is to read one new book from each list that I've pinned, and a handful of singleton titles on the board.<br />
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Have you participated in any reading challenges this year? If so, what was your favorite aspect of it? Will you do one next year?</div>
Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-36933558768846424992015-07-20T12:52:00.000-04:002015-07-20T12:52:00.668-04:00Why I Didn't Post Anything about Planned Parenthood Last WeekAt around the time that <a href="http://www.lifenews.com/2015/07/14/shock-video-catches-planned-parenthoods-top-doctor-selling-body-parts-of-aborted-babies/">this video</a> came out, I posted on Facebook what were basically a couple of shoulder shrugs about Stone Mountain and medical child abuse panic. I did not post about Planned Parenthood, despite, and maybe partly because of, the fact that it was everywhere. Abortion is a scourge of our society, of a magnitude far greater than those other things I posted about. So I started wondering to myself: why didn't I raise my voice, when likely I should have, and should continue tirelessly to do so? I came up with three reasons.<br />
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1) Ever since the great online debate about the morality of lying for a greater good, I have been deeply ambivalent about the tactics of such exposés as this one. What's done is done, and you can judge for yourself what has been done, and continues to be done.<br />
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2) I don't have the stomach for it. Part of my writing process is agonizing for days over just a semi-serious post. I have read enough about it today; I am shaking slightly in my seat as I write this. Others are doing a much better job than I would. I'll just link to a few, who in turn have a few links to share. There's a plethora of links, because even though it's not really news, this is really huge. Simcha Fisher at the <a href="http://www.ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/watch-planned-parenthood-arranging-to-sell-fetal-livers-brains-and-hearts">National Catholic Register gives just the facts</a>. Fr. Dwight Longenecker at <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/standingonmyhead/2015/07/dead-baby-body-parts-for-sale-at-planned-parenthood.html">Standing On My Head lays it out plainly</a>. Rebecca Hamilton at <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/publiccatholic/2015/07/abortion-apologists-defend-the-mother-ship/">Public Catholic explains what happens now</a>. And Elizabeth Scalia at <a href="http://www.ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/watch-planned-parenthood-arranging-to-sell-fetal-livers-brains-and-hearts">The Anchoress illustrates how it's all cosmically connected</a>.<br />
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3) Ultimately, I guess I didn't post anything <a href="http://youarenotsosmart.com/2011/06/10/the-backfire-effect/">because of this</a>. If you, for the sake of medical progress, or women's health, or personal autonomy, or libertarianism, or anything else, think that any part—<i><b>any</b></i> part—of this is okay, are you going to be convinced otherwise by anything I say?<br />
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Are you?Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-57768793071980889492015-07-16T14:21:00.001-04:002015-07-16T14:21:37.133-04:00St Augustine on Homeschooling (and some links)I didn't expect to find homeschooling wisdom while reading St Augustine's <i>Confessions</i>; but I shouldn't have been surprised either. <i>Confessions</i> is a brilliant autobiography right from his childhood days; and homeschooling is, really, basically anything about life with children/as a child.<br />
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I've always been an eclectic homeschooler: aspiring to a classical education, loving and admiring the Charlotte Mason method, in grateful awe of unschooling, making frequent use of unit studies and even spurts of "drill and kill." Not so much confused, I often simply don't know which approach resonates most with me. When I read the following (and more), it reminded me of my own recent struggles with my approach to homeschooling.<br />
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St. Augustine writes in Book I about his studies as a boy, when he disliked studying and was beaten for not making sufficient progress. In this he says:<br />
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<i>In boyhood itself, however, (so much less dreaded for me than youth,) I loved not study, and hated to be forced to it. Yet I was forced; and this is well done towards me, but I did not well; for, unless forced, I had not learned. But no one doth well against his will, even though what he doth, be well. Yet neither did they will force me, but what was well came to me from Thee, my God... So by those who did not well, Thou didst well for me; and by my own sin Thou didst punish me. For Thou hast commanded, and so it is, that every inordinate affection should be its own punishment.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>But why did I so much hate the Greek, which I studied is a boy? I do not yet fully know. The Latin I loved; not what my first Masters, but with the so-called grammarians taught me. For those first lessons, reading, writing, and arithmetic, I thought as great a burden and penalty as any Greek....</i><br />
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<i>But now, my God, cry Thou aloud in my soul; and let Thy truth tell me, "Not so, not so. Far better was that first study." For low, I would readily forget the wanderings of Aeneas and all the rest, rather than how to read and write.... Let not either buyers or sellers of grammar-learning cry out against me. For if I question whether it be true, that Aeneas came on a time to Carthage, as the Poet tells, the less learned will reply that they know not, the more learned that he never did. But should I ask with what letters the name "Aeneas" is written, everyone who has learned this will answer me are right, as to the signs which men have conventionally settled. If, again, I should ask, which might be forgotten with least detriment to the concerns of life, reading and writing or these poetic fictions? Who does not for see, what all must answer who have not wholly forgotten themselves?</i></blockquote>
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But then he also admits this:<br />
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<i>Difficulty, in truth, the difficulty of a foreign language, dashed, as it were, with gall all the sweetness of Grecian fable. For not one word of it did I understand, and to make me understand I was urged for vehemently with cruel threats and punishment. Time was also, (as an infant,) I knew no Latin; but this I learned without fear of suffering, by mere observation, amid the caresses of my nursery and jests of friends, smiling and sportively encouraging me. This I learned without any pressure of punishment to urge me on, for my heart urged me to give birth to its conceptions, which I could only do by learning words not of those who taught, but of those who talked with me; in his ears also I gave birth to the thoughts, whatever I conceived. No doubt then, that a free curiosity has more force in our learning these things, and a frightful enforcement.</i></blockquote>
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It's not some new revelation to me that a desire to learn actually helps learning. Or that a punishment-strong system is less than ideal. Or that no matter how much more fun the other stuff is, you have to get those basics down. But it was a balm to see such an ancient reflection of that. Reading it reaffirmed both the ideal and appeal of child-led learning and the logic of a rigorous skills-based curriculum. You may think this would not help to resolve any struggle between the two; but it reinforces in me an inclination to treat them as two separate legs on which to stand. </div>
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In the spirit of the continued mission to nurture love of learning and a deeper engagement in education, here are some links I've recently found worth pondering.<br />
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I'm looking forward to working this <a href="http://homeschooljournal-bergblog.blogspot.com/2014/06/simple-grammar-free-charlotte-mason.html">Charlotte Mason approach to grammar instruction</a> into our year. I think it will both help ground the principles of grammar for my kids and give me more excuses to read all together during school hours. </div>
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This list of <a href="http://blogs.transparent.com/latin/25-latin-phrases-every-student-should-know/">25 Latin phrases every student should know</a> looks like a fun addition to language studies.<br />
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I love this <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPlpphT7n9s">video about Shakespearean pronunciation</a> every time it pops up somewhere; perhaps you and your older kids will like it too. </div>
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This <a href="http://www.ashleigh-educationjourney.com/2013/04/great-explorations.html">states research project</a> with printables looks promising!<br />
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This has inspired me both to re-emphasize nature study and to encourage the kids to <a href="https://embracingthefullnessoflife.wordpress.com/2015/02/01/taking-the-plunge-into-living-science/">take the plunge into living science</a>, to seek out what interests <i>them</i> during our science studies.<br />
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And this <a href="http://melissawiley.com/blog/2015/05/12/thoughts-on-teaching-reading/">post by Melissa Wiley about (not) teaching reading</a> encourages me to lay all my word-nerd glory on the kids at full power. (Blessedly simple follow-up post <a href="http://melissawiley.com/blog/2007/09/13/how-i-dont-teach-my-kids-to-read/">here</a>.) </div>
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What is inspiring you as the new school year approaches?<br />
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Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-79758476304725860672015-07-03T19:02:00.000-04:002015-07-03T19:02:00.361-04:00"Why Is Homosexuality a Sin?"I don't really pay attention to the campaigns (or currently even the news) of the various politicians competing for our attention. But when it popped up in my feed, I clicked on the post on Herman Cain's site, called "<a href="http://www.caintv.com/a-detailed-explanation-of-why">A detailed explanation of why Christians don't accept gay marriage</a>."<br />
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For those genuinely interested in understanding.<br />
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Given the nature of the discussion following the gay marriage ruling last week, one thing that's clear to me as a Christian who opposes gay marriage is that very few secular people - and sadly, by no means all Christians - really understand why Christians take the position we do.</blockquote>
I had recently seen a request on Facebook asking for just this sort of information. The asker, who was a friend of a friend (so I was unable to comment on the thread), seemed earnestly perplexed as to why anyone would think that homosexuality is a sin. That, rather than specifically gay marriage, was his question. I made a general offer on my page to discuss it, and the ensuing thread touched on gay marriage, the authority of the Church, science history—but never actually got around to discussing the question of what makes homosexuality a sin. So I wanted to see what someone else would say.<br />
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The post was pretty good as far as it went: basically, "Because homosexual activity is deadly to your soul." I've seen the same sort of thing from a favorite Catholic writer two years ago (he's updated it: <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/yimcatholic/2015/06/the-1-reason-the-catholic-church-wont-support-same-sex-marriage.html">Why the Catholic Church Will Never Support Gay Marriage</a>). It's sinful, and sin kills your eternal soul. And we love you, so we don't want that.<br />
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The seriousness of sin has been largely lost in today's society. Those who believe in a God of love and forgiveness often cannot conceive of the possibility that he could allow anyone to go to Hell. That's a discussion for another day; but if you have at least a basic understanding what Christians believe about Hell, you can <a href="https://vimeo.com/52957285">appreciate with Penn Jillette why we take sin seriously</a>.<br />
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But neither post addressed homosexuality* per se. How could it be sinful? Unfortunately, all most people hear as an explanation to this question is, "The Bible tells me so." The first author says, correctly, that the Bible reveals that "God intended a natural order for how we would receive and engage in the gift of sexual activity, and it likewise establishes that homosexual sex is outside that established order." That's true, but it's not compelling to people who don't accept the authority of the Bible. Why is there a natural order for sexual activity?<br />
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The answer to this is also from the Bible; but it is compelling, not because of any commanding authority, but because of its beauty.<br />
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God is love. (1 John 4:8)<br />
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So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27)<br />
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God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
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Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. (Genesis 1:31–2:1)<br />
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And God said, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth." (Genesis 1:28, and 9:1)</blockquote>
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Simply put, God is love; he created us out of love; and he wants more of us to love.<br />
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God endowed us, through our sexual function, with the ability to participate in the crown of creation. We do not, even now, fully comprehend the power we hold. A glimpse of it is in the "little death" of lovers' embrace who "<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/313862-for-him-it-was-a-dark-passage-which-led-to">feel the earth move</a>." In the world-changing sight of two blue lines. In the first sound of a heartbeat at the doctor's office. Parents especially get that glimpse when they hold that hoped-for child in their arms and look her and each other in the face.<br />
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This is humankind at its most Godlike, a power of staggering responsibility. Indeed, it is the recreation of the image of God from Genesis: when a man and a woman engage in the sexual act—that act called "making love"—that makes them "one flesh" (and especially when they conceive a child during this unitive act), the family they create is the fullest possible image—icon—of the Trinity: three persons in one God—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And it's not just about making babies. The physical and emotional aspects of sex naturally and deeply bind up those who engage in it. The natural order places sexual activity solidly and solely within the context of marriage to safeguard both that power and the people involved in it.<br />
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This concept is called the Theology of the Body, and it actually goes beyond sex to address many aspects of the body, both male and female, in relation to God and each other. Dr. Gregory Popcak, for instance, likes to discuss the theology of the body with regard to attachment parenting. Pope St. John Paul II spoke to women about their "feminine genius" in ways that had nothing to do with the exercise of sex. Catholics are learning how intimately the theology of the body intertwines with the Cross and the Eucharist, the heart of the faith. You can find many authors, speakers, and teachers exploring this concept. Since it's summed up as the nuptial meaning of our physical human forms, which are biologically either male or female, sexuality is at its heart.<br />
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The human being, body and soul, was created holy in the image of God. Human sexuality, with its unitive and procreative power, is sacred. Abusing something sacred is not merely sinful; it is the definition of profanity. So that is what the litany of sexual sins in the Bible is about. Every expression of sex (and reproduction, for that matter) that does not take place within the respect, honor, and protect the power of the combined unitive and procreative power of the human body—that is, between a husband and a wife who are open to the possibility of children—is an abuse of sexuality. Homosexual behavior, artificial birth control, premarital sex, in vitro fertilization, adultery: all do violence to the integrity of that sexuality.<br />
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This is why this sort of behavior is a sin: because you are sacred and holy, and not to be profaned.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">* I always try to begin by clarifying that homosexuality itself is not a sin. We confess that we sin by thought, word, and deed—but not by being. </span>Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-66506616103345493672015-02-25T11:14:00.001-05:002015-02-25T11:14:51.321-05:00The Cross of MarriageBeing married is the hardest thing I've ever done. People say raising a child, for example, is hard. But parenting is easy compared to marriage. It's a cheat to say that, of course, because if you are married, parenting is a part of the marriage. Just like everything is a part of the marriage. Every Christian's primary vocation is to grow holier, to become more like Christ. And here's what that looks like for every single one of us:<br />
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<i>Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. </i>Matthew 16:24</blockquote>
For Christians whose vocation is marriage, that means it takes up every aspect of your life into itself, as you strive to become more holy in the process of sharing that life wholly with another person. Every single thing you do has the potential to affect someone else, and you are similarly entwined with the actions of another person.<br />
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I think Eve Tushnet speaks insightfully about marriage in her post at Patheos, "<a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/evetushnet/2015/02/marriage-as-work-vs-marriage-as-the-cross.html">Marriage as Work vs Marriage as the Cross</a>":<br />
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<i>Conservatives often argue that Americans have a Disneyfied, “soulmate” view of marriage, which makes us unprepared for the fact that marriage–like all vocations–can be terribly hard. I don’t think that’s quite right. We do have a cultural vocabulary for talking about the “hard parts” of marriage. The problem is that we have only one vocabulary, only one metaphor; and it’s a metaphor which resonates with the fix-it, prosperity-gospel elements in the American character.
Our one vocabulary for talking about the woe that is in marriage is the idea that “marriage is hard work.” You hear this everywhere....</i><br />
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<i>But also, marriage can be the Cross. </i></blockquote>
She goes on to say that we have lost the vocabulary to talk about marriage as a cross, and that this loss has some negative effects. The whole thing is worth a read. Ms. Tushnet mentions the danger of judging someone whose marriage isn't ideal, or is failing, as if they aren't putting in the "work." She mentions that we are in danger of overlooking the simple fact that patience—just waiting it out—is often what pulls a marriage through. She didn't say this in so many words, but I think that the absence of this "marriage as cross" outlook highlights the American sense of self-reliance that too often becomes a trap for despair. There's the danger of thinking that your marriage is all up to you, and besides the danger of self-judgment (thinking you are a failure if your marriage is a failure), you risk that a mentality of "I did all I could" absolves any subsequent decision to break up a marriage if your efforts don't yield the results you think they should.<br />
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The whole idea reminded me of <a href="https://catholicismpure.wordpress.com/2012/09/24/marriage-crucifix/">something I read a while back</a>. We liked it so much my husband wrote the idea into a best man's speech for a wedding he attended a few years ago:</div>
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<i>When the bride and bridegroom go to the church to be married they carry a Crucifix with them. The priest blesses the Crucifix and instead of saying that they have found the ideal partner with whom to share their lives, he exclaims, “You have found your Cross! It is a Cross to love, to carry with you, a Cross that is not to be thrown off, but rather cherished.”</i><br />
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<i>When they interchange the marital vows, the bride puts her right hand on this Crucifix and the groom puts his right hand over hers. Both are bound together and united to the Cross. The priest covers their hands with his stole while they pronounce their promises to love one other in good times and in bad, proclaiming their vows to be faithful according to the rites of the Church.</i><br />
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<i>Then they both first kiss the Cross, not each other. If one abandons the other, they abandon Christ on the Cross. They lose Jesus! After the wedding, the newly-weds cross the threshold of their home to enthrone that same Crucifix in a place of honour. It becomes the reference point of their lives and the place of family prayer, for the young couple believes deeply that the family is born of the Cross.
</i></blockquote>
The rest is just as beautiful.<br />
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Don't you think we could all benefit from hearing this more?Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-52379902422664794172015-01-22T17:27:00.002-05:002015-01-22T17:59:17.717-05:00Losing ElleryI think I started showing some time around Christmas. It depended on what I wore, but my permanent bump from ten pregnancies started to grow, so that (to me) it was obviously not a leftover "mummy tummy"—this was a new baby bump. I continued to wear my normal clothes until this past week when I tried a maxi skirt over my bump and thought, "hmm, it's getting time."<br>
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I wore a pair of maternity jeans the day before I lost the baby.<br>
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I had been bleeding on and off for several weeks, but I've had bleeding at this stage many times before and we'd never lost a baby. One time it turned into an abruption and premature birth. We handled the rest of our "threatened miscarriages" with bed rest. We figured we knew the drill. <div><br></div><div>But we always knew this was a possibility. The bleeding picked up. Sunday morning I woke up...different. I stayed in bed for a little while, until cramping and bleeding—more than bleeding—drove me out.<br>
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It was all relatively mild. All the same, it reminded me unmistakably of the immediate postpartum phase. Only this time, there was no emotional allowance for the messy processes of my body, no happy thoughts occupying my mind from the next room. Likely I would have had a similar aversion to the gore of childbirth that I felt now, had there not been the overwhelming joy of that new life at my side. </div><div><br></div><div>Likely the baby died days or weeks before.<div><br></div><div>It may seem odd to feel in that moment a kinship to the women who undergo abortions. The ones who choose this end and particularly reject that overwhelming joy and that new life. But I did. I felt the desire to remove myself and let my body take care of this without me. I felt a sense of dread at what I might see, even as I had moments of near panic that we would never have Ellery's little form to baptize and bury. I felt revulsion at every physical proof of my transition to "not-pregnant."</div><div><br></div><div>Mostly, I don't feel guilty for feeling this way. It's well within "normal" to have such reactions to suffering a loss. This is a time of grief for me.</div><div><br></div><div>It is for them as well. The ones that choose.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm getting back to normal, and I missed the baby. We told the kids earlier this week, <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">and we all miss the baby—the baby now, </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">and the baby that would have been. But we're all getting back to normal, whatever that will be. I love my family. All of them.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Ellery Raphael, pray for your mama. Pray for all the mamas, and their babies. Pray for all of us, your family. Jesus, have mercy on us, and keep my little Ellery close.</span></div></div>Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-30770109615842989192015-01-17T07:00:00.000-05:002015-01-17T15:39:46.886-05:00Books and BlogsMy not-so-new favorite blog, <a href="http://modernmrsdarcy.com/">Modern Mrs. Darcy</a>, recently posted about <a href="http://modernmrsdarcy.com/2015/01/track-books-read/">how she tracks her reading</a> ("begrudgingly"). I've been wanting to do this ever since I signed up with Goodreads in 2012. I got started in earnest as part of my 2013 resolutions and even wrote a review of <i>The Hobbit</i> that the impressive <a href="http://happycatholic.blogspot.com/">Julie Davis</a> liked, but then Amazon acquired Goodreads, and I was mad at Amazon about something (I don't remember what but it probably still applies), and I swore off Goodreads. I've thought about book journals and Pinterest and the like, but I guess the truth is that I am also one who would rather spend her time reading books than logging them.<br />
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But her post got me thinking perhaps I should give it another go. Plus, the volume of book-blogging she does has me wondering just how much <i>book</i>-reading I actually do—not as much as I would like, I'd bet. I think tracking my reading will help me get a better idea than the stacks of library books on my nightstand, and maybe give me the nudge to finish a few more of those titles before they go back to the library. (Not to mention the ones I bought or held on to with high hopes, only to forget them over and over again between dustings.)<br />
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So hey, what better way to start than with a reading challenge!<br />
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Two of them, actually, because reading challenges are fun—maybe better than book clubs. I would obsessively collect more to participate in if I wanted to indulge in optimistic hopes about meeting goals and stuff. (Yeah, I don't do New Year's resolutions anymore.)<br />
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In fairness, the first one that caught my eye gets the first mention: <a href="http://www.samantha-lin.com/2014/11/2015-authors-a-to-z-reading-challenge-sign-up/">The Authors A to Z Reading Challenge</a>. Super simple, super fun: try to read a book by one author (use the author's last name) for each letter of the alphabet. I don't really have a plan for this one, beyond reading a few books I already know I want to read, start filling in the letters, and plug in any holes as I see the need and opportunity. Doubling up with the second challenge is allowed, and I already have some thoughts for that one that may give me some of <a href="http://www.samantha-lin.com/2014/12/2015-authors-a-to-z-suggestions/">those more obscure letters</a>.</div>
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Of course the second challenge is Modern Mrs. Darcy's own. <a href="http://modernmrsdarcy.com/2015/01/2015-reading-challenge/">The 2015 Reading Challenge</a> got me to actually commit to some more intentional reading this year, or from now on, or something. As I looked at the different categories, I started thinking of titles I wanted to read for each one, and I thought, yeah, this could be fun. Go check it out; she's got a Pinterest board <i>and</i> a printable, yeah?<br />
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Soon I'll tell you about some of the reading I've been doing and planning, and I'll describe how we track the kids' reading. In the meantime, tell me: should I give Goodreads another go? I really can't decide. </div>
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And if you've got a fun reading challenge you're doing (or if you think one up and need company), tell me about it, too!</div>
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Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-84624709458367764562015-01-14T14:39:00.000-05:002015-01-14T14:39:04.494-05:00So what does being 40......make me?<br />
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Advanced Maternal Age!</div>
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We're expecting our 11th baby, and another July baby at that. We have five birthdays in July right now, including Jason's, and our due date for this baby is July 24 (alternately July 27). As of now, I am even willing to go over a few days to get into August, but I doubt once I am there I will be so desirous of novelty.<br />
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Being pregnant at 40 seems to be some sort of buzz issue if you pay attention to things like women's websites and gossip rags. Here are two opposing (or maybe not so much?) takes on it: <a href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_age-and-fertility-getting-pregnant-in-your-40s_1494699.bc">Age and Fertility: Getting Pregnant in Your 40s</a> vs. <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/10838177/Why-fertility-is-far-from-finished-at-40.html">Why Fertility Is Far from Finished at 40</a>.<br />
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Meanwhile, I'm not freaking out. Mostly. But in every pregnancy I welcome your prayers. And, may I say, I hope to see you back here again soon? I'm encouraged by<a href="http://theartofsimple.net/state-of-the-blog-address-2015/"> this assessment of the state of blogging</a> that sees a return to "the old days" when people engaged each other more on blogs. I'm not one to be consistently prone to publishing long pieces here, but I've always loved blogs for their community-building nature. I hope to be here more and engage in a bit of conversation.<br />
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Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5697120299302235130.post-11179822055816670292015-01-12T13:43:00.000-05:002015-01-12T13:43:00.098-05:00Heaven Is For Real<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">This post was written in August 2014, and was a casualty of the whirlwind that is our life. In the spirit of catching up (my unspoken resolution for 2015), I am posting it in the hope that someone finds it worthwhile despite being *gasp* five months old.</span></i><br />
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We recently watched the movie "Heaven is for Real." I enjoyed it, but I remembered reading some sort of caution about it, so afterwards I went looking. <br />
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So far the only things I have come up with were that many criticized it (and the book on which it was based) for being unbiblical, and that it promotes a Universalist view of salvation. <br />
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I found it interesting that (in the film—I haven’t read the book yet) some of the people in Paster Todd’s church were resistant to the idea of a literal trip to Heaven. I’m not sure what problem they were having. Was it that Heaven is a real place? It seemed that way at times. Todd protests at one point, “Why does it have to be just a mythology?” At these times I wanted to take them by the shoulders and say, “Why is this so difficult for you? Just what do you claim to believe in, anyway?” But at other times, it really seemed to be more complex, and I think, in a sense, their skepticism honored the complexities of walking by faith in this life. Because for some, it really did seem for them to come down to a crisis of faith that resembles St. John of the Cross’s “Dark Night of the Soul” (what I understand of it—still have to read that one, too) that a more spiritually mature person experiences. <br />
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As for the “unbiblical” claims, well, maybe that accounts for some of the problem. Maybe this is too simple, but for self-described Bible Christians who adhere to the literal words of Scripture—no more, no less—maybe it’s just that they had no framework for handling such a claim as what Heaven consists of. That’s not as much of a problem for Catholics. We have the freedom and safety of a living Magisterium. We have the ecstasies and visions of the saints for predecents. We have a very clear set of principles for judging private revelations, which in itself allows for the possibility that this little boy’s experience is genuine. And though it would be tough to submit this particular phenomenon for ecclesiastical approval, we can apply the basic ideas of such guidance: I heard nothing in the things film-Colton reported about Jesus or Heaven that contradicts the revealed truth as safeguarded to and by the Church. <br />
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Those who want to say such visions of Jesus and Heaven are unbiblical and therefore problematic seem to me to have God pretty tightly restricted. Frankly, I find such objections laughable. But in the movie, Todd offers even them an acceptable way of looking at what this was—basically, an interpretation of Heaven, as seen by a four-year-old boy. In fact, at first I was disappointed in that characterization. It seemed too wishy-washy—I wanted him to come out and say, “Yes, my son went to Heaven and I believe it!” But I quickly saw the wisdom of the approach he took. It felt very like the approach of the Church to approved apparitions: “We see no obstacle to belief, no harm in believing it; you’re not required to, but it might do you some good.” I’d like to read the book before making any firmer (personal) judgment, but I haven’t seen anything troublesome about what he reports. <br />
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What resounds in my own mind as I contemplate the possibility of Colton’s account of Heaven is this: "What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor: 2:9). <br />
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As for the Universalist issue, <a href="http://www.aleteia.org/en/arts-entertainment/article/skip-the-sanitized-heaven-is-for-real-movie-6368034562244608?">Brantly Millegan at Aleteia says</a> that the movie left out a crucial focus on Christianity and its view of salvation that was present in the book:<br />
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This theme of God’s love meaning that people can’t be excluded from heaven is explicitly communicated in one particular scene in the film. Todd is sitting in a cemetery with a woman who lost her adult son in the military, and she asks him if he thinks her son went to heaven. Todd responds along these lines, “Do you love your son? [Yes.] Do I love my son? [Yes.] Do you think God loves my son who went to heaven as much as he loves your son?” The implication ends up being that since Colton went to heaven (albeit briefly), and since God loves both Colton and the woman’s son, the woman’s son must also have gone to heaven. <br />
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Todd doesn’t say, “Don’t worry, we both know your son loved Christ.” He says, in effect, “Don’t worry, God loves him, therefore he’s in heaven.” </blockquote>
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Actually, Todd doesn’t say that either, because I was listening for it. Here’s how the scene actually goes: <br />
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Nancy: Do you think—I have to ask—do you think my son went to heaven? <br />
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Todd: Do you love your son, still? <br />
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Nancy: Of course. <br />
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Todd: Do you think I love mine? <br />
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Nancy: I know you do. <br />
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Todd: Do you think I love my son more than you love yours? <br />
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Nancy: No. <br />
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Todd: Do you think God loves my son more than he loves yours? </blockquote>
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That’s it. The last question is not answered, just contemplated. Even if it were explicitly answered, "No," is there anything in that answer that is untrue? <br />
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Todd says a few minutes before this dialogue that he failed the grieving parent in her hour of need. My assumption about this statement, based on a limited understanding of a common Protestant view of salvation, is this: it was his belief that as far as anyone knew, this woman’s son was not saved, and so he could not offer her any hope at his graveside. The Catholic Church, while recognizing the need to be reconciled with God for salvation, also leaves open, through the richness of her teachings and the counsel of the saints, the possibility through God's vast mercy of that reconciliation and salvation in all kinds of situations—a mercy that is not bound by his sacraments or any other stricture save our own free will.<br />
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I agree with Millegan that the film would have been more true if the idea of some kind of reciprocal relationship with Christ had been preserved. But I also agree with <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/kathyschiffer/2014/04/heaven-is-for-real-secrets-colton-burpo-didnt-tell-you-in-the-book-or-the-movie/">Kathy Schiffer</a>, who has written about both the <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/kathyschiffer/2013/11/heaven-is-for-real-movie-is-coming-to-theatres-at-easter/">book</a> and the <a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/kathyschiffer/2014/04/little-boy-sees-the-face-of-god-and-lives/">movie</a>, that this movie is a <i>good</i> movie (in the sense of approaching "God-liness"), and Hollywood needs to make more movies as full of faith as this one.<br />
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When I think of the nonbelievers who took part in making this film, and who have seen and will see it, I think of what <a href="http://www.catholicnews.com/data/movies/14mv048.htm">one review</a> highlighted of Colton’s words: “We don’t ever have to be afraid.” Doesn’t that sound like someone to you?<br />
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Or, more to the point, where JP got it to begin with: </div>
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It’s my opinion that many are kept from God by fear, and that goes for believers and nonbelievers. When someone judges you, rightly or wrongly—and especially when you are afraid of being rejected, one protective response is to do the rejecting first. It’s a way of shielding yourself from the risks inherent in loving someone, and as C. S. Lewis noted, the only place where you can be safe from love is hell.
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Just for good measure, I believe that hell is for real too, and offer this fascinating counterpoint: <a href="http://catholicstand.com/flip-side-heaven-real/">The Flip Side of Heaven Is For Real</a>.Nicole Stallworthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15544837830167910477noreply@blogger.com0